"I don't look a thing like Jesus but I...talk like a gentleman"
"You're kinda cute" she says, running her hand through my hair.
"You're not so bad yourself" I reply, lighting up the room once more with the warm, red light of one last drag in my cigarette.
All dark again, just her hand in my chest and her warm breath on my neck lets me know she's there.
Her breath turns quieter, she's falling asleep again....
I stare at the dim light, struggling to get in through the window's shutters and listen to the city outside, falling asleep, quietly letting me know it's late. No voices beneath us on the sidewalk, no cars pass by, no dogs bark.
Just silence.
I wonder how many people in this town are falling asleep to the fainted melody of a beautiful girl nodding off on their shoulders...
What have I done to deserve this I wonder. I always believed in karma, yet lately, I have been a fucking prick. I lied, cheated and wronged people in ways a good man shouldn't. Then she shows up and all that regret multiplies by the guilt of feeling so damn good when I'm with her. Why the fuck do I believe in karma...
I feel like I'm driving a car through heavy rain, deafning, hard hitting rain that makes me squint my eyes to try and glimpse at the path ahead through the windshield, steering by instinct, hoping I'm on the right lane.
Then a bridge crosses over the road and, as I'm under it, everything makes sense. The rain now hits the asphalt above me in a soothing, natural symphony. My path becomes clear and I slow down, savouring the peaceful. fleeding moment of the calm before the storm.
She's that bridge. That split second of clarity between storms, that makes you wish that road that's above you would never end.
But it does. No matter how slow I drive, that dreaded rain is coming back, once again, with a crushing sound, preluded by a clichéd expression of the utmost simplicity..."We need to talk."
No...not this time.
I come back to reality, she's stroking my hair, softly, in what seems like a dazed state of relaxation. She lets out a "hey you" in a soft whisper...in my head, loud enough to silence a crowd.
"There's something you should know..." I say, lighting up another cigarette, choosing the words carefully in my head. She looks at me and nods, attentively listenning to every word I'm about to say.
"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you like me." I say, smiling at her, staring at her shocked yet curious expression as the words reach her ears. I take a drag on my cigarette and procceed. "I know this because I've never let myself fall for someone I wasn't sure felt the same way about me...yet my past always finds a way to fuck things over...so I want you to know something..."
And I tell her.
Like a catholic man talking to a priest in confession, I let out my mistakes...mistakes I believe a girl like her, even though tainted by her own past, running from her own ghosts, won't understand.
The times I didn't cry for people I lost, the times I led girls to believe I was something special, the times I betrayed, cheated and played with people's emotions for my own, personal selfish gain...
I tell her everything. I feel her moving back, away from me as I keep going, her hand no longer holding mine, her presence dimmed...
"I just...wanted you to know...what you got yourself into."
Silence, light's still out, pitch dark in the room.
I feel the bridge above my car, shielding me from the rain, ending. The storm aproaching once more.
Fuck me...why didn't I keep my mouth shut...a few more weeks living a lie seem like such a better choice now.
I feel her moving now, bed's shaking, she's coming closer...her hand in mine once more, she kisses me.
“Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title”
"Virginia Woolf..."
"It's what you were that made you who you are...screw the past. We'll make it work."
The bridge above me ends. It stopped raining...
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